The ‘Secret’ – the key to understanding child sex abuse

The 'Secret' is the bond established by the abuser with the child victim. It ensures that nobody knows of the abuse other than the abuser and the abused. It is kept in place by embarrassment, fear or respect.

Embarrassment that friends or family will find out what happened. An emotion sometimes secured with photographs.

Fear for the safety of the child and their family should they disclose anything – fear that the abuser will inform – parents – friends, about the behaviour their child has been pulled into and subjected to.

Respect or love for the abuser – strange as this may seem – for the attention and concern that they have shown the child that the child craves and does not receive at home. Over time, absent a good relationship between child and parents,
the abuser seduces the child, earning their trust and friendship.

For this reason the child will keep the secret intact out of a need for the attention received from the abuser and the fear of losing a friend should the abuser be caught.

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